Butterflies when he looks at you, the pitter-pat of your heart by the thought of him and the excitement of receiving a good morning text knowing you were the first thing on his mind. All of that is a distant memory! What happened and where did that spark go?
It didn’t go anywhere we grew comfortable, to be honest, I like our stage of the relationship. Although the thrill and excitement of a new relationship has faded something better has come. I can just be myself with no makeup and my Lularoe leggings while I sob watching Disney’s Moana. I love this part of the relationship but there are days when I just need that extra attention in a flirtatious manner.
According to Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages everyone has their own primary love language and it is important to not only recognize your significant others but learn your own as well.
How to flirt in a long-term relationship:
“I love to watch you leave”
Although some may not like it, I love being checked out by my man. It means he is looking at me and noticing different attributes which is especially affirming when he says “I can tell you have been working out.” Ladies don’t be afraid to “hit on” your man; he needs some attention too.
Words of Affirmation: Communicating your attraction to your significant other using words can light up their day more than you know. It doesn’t have to be about physical attraction either. Saying “I love how generous you are” or “I am so proud of your achievement” also shows your admiration for your significant other. My favorite use of words of affirmation is sticking handwritten love notes in my boyfriends’ lunch bag.
“Oh darn, I’m out of gas!”
If you know your significant other dislikes a certain task do it for them. My boyfriend knows how much I hate pumping gas so he goes out of the way to do it for me. In turn, I know he doesn’t like cooking so I take that task over. It’s the little things that keeps us going and doing things for our loved one can go a long way.
Acts of Service: This may not seem like flirting but it is when this is a primary love language. I know if I cook I am going to receive my primary love language, words of affirmation, when my boyfriend compliments my cooking. My point-if this isn’t your love language but it’s your significant others then do it so they can nourish you with your love language
“So we are going to dinner at 7pm?”
Make plans to spend time together. It doesn’t have to be fancy either. When my boyfriend randomly texted me “how about we take a bike ride after dinner tonight” my heart melted.
Quality Time: When you go out of your way to spend time with your significant other it makes them feel valued and can deepen your relationship. No matter if this is a primary love language or not, always truly devote yourself in the time you have scheduled for this person. NO PHONES otherwise it just looks like they are an inconvenience and you don’t really care to spend time with them.
“I bought you some more Ice Breakers”
Knowing your significant others wants and needs is a great way to show them you care. I know my boyfriend loves these mints. Every time I visit the store I grab him a pack because it lets him know I was thinking of him.
Gifts: These do not have to be lavish or expensive. Just letting your loved one know you were thinking of them or, better yet, listening to their wants and needs shows you really care.
Oh Yea! We are talking SEXY TIME. There is more to a physical relationship than sex; in fact intercourse is only a fraction. When we are downtown with friends and he wraps his arm around my waist it sends my senses sky high.
Physical Touch: This does not have to be as involved as sex it can be simple like holding hands or hugging. It doesn’t have to take place in a specific environment either. I get just as giddy when my boyfriend grabs my hand while we are in public, proudly showing me off, as I do when we are having our private intimate moments.
Here are some cute tasks you can do to communicate each love language:
Words of Affirmation:
- Handwritten Notes
- Writing/Performing an original Song
Acts of Services:
- Mowing the lawn
- Grocery Shopping
- Planning a vacation
- Having a phone and distraction free meal
- Going for a bike ride or walk
- Have a nerf gun war
- A surprise party
- Fund a shopping excursion; you can go with them or give them a gift card
- Homemade memory book or other thoughtful gift
- Back Message
- Foot Rub
When you are in a long-term relationship you are building a long lasting love that is leading you to marriage. While the fun, superficial flirting is a high, like a drug, it wears off. Being called cute by a stranger is fun but knowing I am value to someone brings a fulfillment. Devoting your time to show love makes your relationship stronger.
To find out more about your love languages take The 5 Love Languages Test and be sure to check out Gary Chapman’s Audiobooks on Hoopla Digital. Gary Chapman also has 5 Love Languages for singles, parents, men and military. I would love to hear from you! Comment below with your favorite love language followed by a #hayliestory.